oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize