he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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