maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
