I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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