my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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