I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
COCAINE IS GR8
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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