We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
