Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
