does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
