then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize