I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
