Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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