You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You made out with two different species that night
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
