So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My balls are so social today.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
