I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
