Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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