We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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