The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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