i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My vagina is officially offended.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
