The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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