I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
