so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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