it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize