Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Can you bring me the toilet please
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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