Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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