There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
