the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
