The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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