We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
