And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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