Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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