He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
