Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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