hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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