my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
