Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We need a shit load of segways right now
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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