8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize