He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
