he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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