I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
