only if we run a train.
done.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
