the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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