I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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