Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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