I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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