I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
