he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
