What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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