last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
