just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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