She's JV to your varsity
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
