Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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