I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
