oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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