tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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