Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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