what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
