toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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