if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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