white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
zippers are such a cool invention
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
