john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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