she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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