I'm so fucking centered right now
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
