So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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