Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
