Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
