Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
