you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
