I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
