And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
