are you still at the devil's house?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
