Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
