So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
