fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
you never un-have a 4some
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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