Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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