none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize