When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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