Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
