he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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