No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
